This week's - and by the way this year's - final entry covers letters E and N of the acronym SOFTEN standing for S = Smile, O = Open Posture, F = Forward Lean, T = Touch, E = Eye Contact, N = Nod in the handy formula  "Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others".

Eye contact is an essential form of non-verbal communication. Having eye contact with the person you are talking to or having an argument with signals your attention, shows your personal involvement and may even overcome physical and attitudial gaps. However, be aware of cultural differences.

In Asian cultures, for example, looking elderly or - in regard to a working hierarchy - more senior people directly into the eyes is often regarded as rude and agressive as opposed to Western culture. Here the same behaviour is often regarded as respectless.

Nodding is another form of non-verbal communication. A quick nod with your head, too, shows you are actively taking part in the conversation and reveals that you are interested in your conversation partner's opinion though it might differ from yours. This will automatically encourage a positive, more open environment for any effective discussion.

We'll be back with more public speaking and career tips in 2009! Meanwhile have a happy, healthy and successful start into 2009. Happy New Year from the team of Raab & Raab Performance Consulting!

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"Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others" is this week's blog theme with the theme's acronym (an abbreviation of several words that forms a word itself) SOFTEN standing for S = Smile, O = Open Posture, F = Forward Lean, T = Touch, E = Eye Contact, N = Nod - a short and handy formula to easily overcome any barriers in communication between two people by using appropriate body language.

 Today we'll be looking at T for Touch. A soft, gentle touch can easily and quickly establish rapport. However, think twice before touching your conversation partner and consider his or her cultural background and personality. In some cultures a touch might not be appropriate at all. For other cultures it might be totally normal. In any case the best and less intimitading point to touch is the elbow.

By the way: Merry Christmas! The Raab & Raab Performance Consulting Team hopes you have a wonderful break!

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Do you want to easily convince your audience and gain instant rapport and respect? Adopt a positive body language! Put both feet on the floor and bend slightly forwards when in a conversation. That'll give the impression that you are interested in what your partner is saying and are open for new perspectives - even if you might not agree.

Assuming this postition will guarantee you lots of positive bonus points and is one part of this week's body language theme "Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others" and stands for F in the theme's acronym (an abbreviation of several words that forms a word itself) SOFTEN:

 SOFTEN stands for S = Smile, O = Open Posture, F = Forward Lean, T = Touch, E = Eye Contact, N = Nod and will quickly improve your non-verbal communication skills.

However, remember: Don't sit too far forward or everyone will expect you to run as soon as there's a chance to leave since you can't stand the meeting. Sitting on the edge of your chair will make everyone think you feel uncomfortable, leaning back with feet strechted far away from your body will show your boredom or even resentment towards the speaker, the meeting or the topic.

The best way to check your positive posture is to practise in front of a mirror or get feedback from friends. Once right, your effort will pay off instantly.

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As much as 85 per cent of our communication is non-verbal. Knowing as much about body language as possible is a vital key to your success in any public speaking or one-on-one conversation situation.

"Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others" is a powerful tip to overcome any hurdles in a controversy discussion by using the right body language. As mentioned in yesterday's blog entry this week we are going to have a closer look at the  acronym (an abbreviation of several words that forms a word itself) SOFTEN that stands for S = Smile, O = Open Posture F = Forward Lean T = Touch E = Eye Contact N = Nod and will quickly improve your non-verbal communication skills.

Today it's the O for Open Posture. Crossed arms and legs, and leaning back are generally considered closed postures, while open postures are the opposite. Research has shown that open and closed postures impact the emotional states of the people assuming them.

In one study, three different open postures significantly increased positive feelings (happiness, agreeableness, interest, and surprise), while three different closed postures significantly increased negative feelings (fear, anger, sadness, and disgust). Noteworthy is that the latter were almost twice as strong as the positve feelings.

When trying to convince others a happy, positive and agreeable appearance gives you a head start. People will automatically perceive you as a winner. It's a matter of observing yourself and practising not to cross arms and legs infront of you. Start impoving your body language today! It's worth it.

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Following Friday's blog entry "Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others" this week each day we'll have a closer look at Body Language and the acronym (an abbreviation of several words that forms a word itself) SOFTEN respectively its meaning. This will help you discover some new clues of how to use your body language to overcome your fear of public speaking while building rapport and feel comfortable with your audience.

Just a little refresher: SOFTEN stands for S = Smile, O = Open Posture F = Forward Lean T = Touch E = Eye Contact N = Nod. Let's start with S for smile. "A smile is the shortest distance between two people" is a well known saying and as is the case with most well known sayings very true and helpful. In particular when it comes to public speaking, positive body language and making a great first impression on your audience or anyone you meet and greet.

People who smile are perceived as welcoming, open, approachable, self confident, competent and successful winners. They can connect with and get the attention of their audience by far easier than someone who doesn't smile. Also, since your body language influences your state of mind and your state of mind influences your body language, if you put a smile on your face you will automatically feel more positive, calmer and confident.

However, be aware: Your smile has to be genuine. Many people will intuitively notice a faked smile. The effect is devastating for the speaker. All of his or her credibility is gone immediately, no one will trust them anymore, rapport is destroyed and whatever the speaker is going to say is received critically.

By the way, if you're not sure whether you can detect a faked smile and see if the person you listen to is honest with you simply take a test. The BBC has a great online experiment for you on offer. Simply click on the following link:

BBC - Spot the Fake Smile
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/

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I love quotes. Quotes work extremely well as an attention getter in the opening of your speech. They work equally well as a closing point since they subcontiously trigger further thinking resulting in your speech (and message) being well remembered.

Here's a quote from an unknown author I came across this week on www.thinkexist.com - a site I check regularily. It sums up perfectly what you can do to tear down any wall your discussion partner might have built up since he or she doesn't like your point of view.

“Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others:

S = Smile

O = Open Posture

F = Forward Lean

T = Touch

E = Eye Contact

N = Nod.”

It doesn't cost a lot of energy, is easy to do, builds rapport instantly and will make your discussion partner subconsciously much opener for any contra argument you will bring forward.

It's well worth giving the soften-method a try. Your success with skilled non-verbal communication is guaranteed.

PS: By the way, again a great acrostic poem. Not sure what that is? Well, scroll down to last Fridays, 12th of December, entry and give it a go!

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We normally speak at 100 to 175 words per minute (WPM). However, according to research our brain can intelligently listen, decode and  process up to 400 to 600 words per minute. That's important to keep in mind when preparing your next speech.

If you need to give a persuasive speech aim for 140 to 160 words per minute to make a positive and long lasting impact that triggers actions and maintain the attention of your audience at the same time. Deliver your speech slower and you'll risk loosing your audience's attention since it gets bored and their brain will wander off to keep busy. Deliver your speech faster and you'll risk loosing your audience's attention since it can't follow your train of thoughts easily.

Speed - or pace - is one of you key features to control your speech success. If you are not sure about how fast or slow you talk, record a conversation with a friend and yourself for one minute (with his or her permission) and then replay it and count the number of words you used per minute!

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Everyone knows: You only have seconds to make a positive first impression, in particular in job interviews. New research now reveals, that apart from being well prepared and well spoken it's also your handshake that can make or break the deal.

Research by the University of Iowa shows applicants - especially women - with a firm handshake are far more likely to get the job than candidates with a limp grip.

According to the study a solid handshake set off the interviewer's impression of the job applicant and was even regarded to be more important than dress or physical appearance. "We found that the first impression begins with a handshake that sets the tone for the rest of the interview," said researcher George Stewart, associate professor of management and organizations in the Tippie College of Business.

98 students at a business school took part in the study. They  participated in mock job interviews with local business representatives. The interviewers graded each student's overall performance and employability while five trained handshake experts also assessed students according to their handshake. The scores were then compared.

Prof. Stewart said the researchers found that those students who scored high with the handshake experts were also regarded to be the best fit for the job by the interviewers and seen as having more extroverted personalities and greater social skills. The students with limp handshakes, however, were thought to have less gregarious personalities and were less impressive.

"We probably don't consciously remember a person's handshake or whether it was good or bad," Stewart said. "But the handshake is one of the first nonverbal clues we get about the person's overall personality, and that impression is what we remember."

So how should you shake a person's hand? Stewart's recommendation: "A complete, firm grip, eye contact and a vigorous up-and-down movement." That applies in particular to women. The report built on previous research by the University of Alabama that showed that women who were more liberal, intellectual and open to new experiences were found to have the a firmer handshake.

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Despite unemployment rates on a record high in the US and constantly rising in Europe, observers find there is significantly less activity on the recruitment market than in the months before. That's certainly the reason why more and more people are currently trying seeking alternative ways of finding a new job or preparing for being laid-off.

According to news agency Reuters professional networking sites like Xing and LinkedIn are thriving since the financial crisis hit our global economy and fear of loosing jobs has become even more prominent. In September Xing, for example, had 25 % more registrations than the months before.

"Now we are growing by almost one new user each second," said Kevin Eyres, head of LinkedIn's operations in Europe, in an interview with Reuters. Membership on LinkedIn has jumped from 18 million at the start of the year to more than 31 million, with most of the requests to connect being because of the need for a new job.

Joining a social network site could indeed find you a new job or at least lead you to valuable contacts. Most importantly, however, is that you present yourself on your social networking site of choice as a professional. Take your time when writing a little spiel about yourself that will not only make a good impression on potential employers but also clearly state your qualifications and experience without boasting.

Don't undersell yourselft - if in doubt, get professional help from a communication coach to get the best out of your social networking. This is your chance to promote yourself and get a new job. Seize it but do it right!

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It's the time of one Christmas function and Christmas function speech chasing  the other. The more socially engaged you are (or have to be) the more speeches you have to listen to or give.

If your speech is coming up soon and you want it to be new, better and different from the standard ones we've heard so many times before try "mind mapping". "Mind mapping" will help you find a new approach, new idea, even a new way of wording well known old facts easily and quickly.

Mind mapping is a diagram that visually represents an idea or a word with as many associations as you like. Take a blanc page, preferably A4 or larger, write a word you like to find inspiration for in the very middle, circle it in and write or event paint what ever word, idea, picture you can think of close to your centre word.

Circle it in, too, and link it with a line to your first word. Find as many associations to the centre word as possible. Continue to do the same for your secondary words, etc. until your page is full. Be creative and don't restrict yourself. Jot down whatever comes to your mind - even if you consciously can't understand why you made the connection between the two words you have chosen.

Once it's done, lean back and sort through all your writing or painting and see how you can use some or even all of them in your speech. You'll find that your mind map provides you with a totally new perspective and let's you see an "old" topic from a new, fresh angle which is beneficial for your speech.

Think outside the square and see how this will catch your audience attention immediately! Have fun! You'll be surprised how great your results are!

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